An App To Make You Look Insane

While checking Facebook on my phone this morning, I got one of those annoying ads that only used to show up online instead of part of my phone feed.

As someone who texts, I take great offense here. First of all, I am documenting life's beautiful (and crazy) moments. I'm not losing anything. And I don't need an app to try to decipher what I'm saying in text form to send to someone. I have Siri (and that bitch does what I say).

Then, I took a look at this picture. I assume the people in black and white are the OLD texters. The girl in the color photo smiling while appearing to take a photo of herself must be the one NOT "losing life's beautiful moments."

You know who looks like the loser here? The girl in color.

She's the girl I want to punch. The person whose every update is about her and when it's not, it's sometimes not subtly asking people to tell her how awesome she is. She's the girl I don't friend or follow. Because it's too much. I don't have the energy to constantly tell someone how wonderful he/she is. I'M TEXTING!

And when, like those people in black and white, I actually text, I don't look like an insane talking slowly into my phone, then looking at it to see if it correctly interpreted my words to send to the right person. I can see my sender and my message and send it faster than the creature in the phone can. And even when autocorrect takes over, I can still fix the mistake quickly. More importantly, I can do it without letting people know that I have a little bit of crazy in me. Plus I'm not making noise. No one hears me when I thumb a text reading "I am trying to take a picture of this weirdo shouting at her phone without her seeing me." YES, I HAVE ACTUALLY SENT THAT TEXT BEFORE. If you don't believe me, you've never had a text exchange with me.

My only regret is that I haven't invented an app like this to make people look foolish in public so that I can document my success. Yet.