Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I can't believe I forgot about this! Last night, there was a UT student from our town arrested for making threats at school. I ordered up a graphic. It was supposed to say "Student Arrested." Instead, this went down:
Art Guy: Stupid arrested?
Me: Yep. He sure was.
Art Guy: No. Do you want your graphic to say "stupid arrested?"
Me: Why would I want tha---oh. Did I write "stupid arrested?"
Art Guy: Yes.
Me: Well, when I said stupid, I meant STUDENT. (I might have spelled it out). It is stupid.
Art Guy: Yes.
I'm glad he's patient with me. That's one thing it takes to put up with me. I think that's funny. Know why? Because I'm not patient. Just stupid.
Not to dis "Idol," but this girl is like every other girl on that show who wants to be a country singer. They sound the same. Wait. I take that back. Carrie Underwood is great! But she's not twangy and predictable. This Taylor girl is.
Still, it's my snap judgment. I do think it's funny that if you do a YouTube search you'll find fans submitting their own videos for this song. Kids and their cameras and editing on the computer. That's like the future. Y'all.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Houston man's water bill a $99,000 comedy of errors
I'm intrigued. I click on the link. This dude mailed a $99,000 check hoping to buy a CD (certificate of deposit, not compact disc). Instead, he mailed it to the utility company and they credited his account. That means he would not have to pay a water bill for the next ... wait for it ...
What was the knucklehead at the utility company thinking when they got this check? I imagine it went a little something like this:
One check for $99,000. OK. I'll put it to this account. Sure, he won't be around long enough to see every penny spent, but he's the moron who sent us the check. I won't ask any questions. Just make the deposit. OOOH. Maybe I should put my name on it and cash it, because that's more than I'll make in years! No. Deposit it to the utility company. Maybe I'll get a promotion.
It must be nice to just have $99,000 to send off in a check. The largest check I ever wrote was for less than 10% of that when I bought my house. That made me a little sick. 99-grand? I'd probably fall into a full vomit-palooza. Maybe that's why I don't have money like that to throw around.
If you want to read the story, click here. If you want to write me a check for $99,000, put your email in the comments section and I'll contact you. Don't bother trying to get me to buy into the UK lotto. I did that once and lost my life savings - all $34.94.
- Bros before hos
- The mother of a bro is off-limits, the stepmother is fair game
- Bros cannot make eye contact in a devil's three-way
- Bros alert other bros to girl fights
- No sex with a bro's ex
Barney says the Code was written in 1776 when Ben Franklin and George Washington decided to establish some rules. Ben says he was cod-piece blocked. Along comes Barnabus Stinson and he writes the Code and the rest is history.
Lilly invites a farmer (who shows up drunk) with a goat to her classroom. He then tells her kindergartners that he's taking the goat to a butcher. Lilly winds up taking the goat home.
More awkward moments with Marshall trying to keep the secret, but Robin figures it out. She tells Ted. OH! Almost forgot - it's Ted's 30th birthday. Ooops!
This is why Barney picks him up in a limo and tells him he's taking him to Vegas instead of his surprise party. Barney says he wanted him to be happy, then told him he slept with Robin. Ted already knew that. He told Barney he wasn't mad, then said, "My mom is coming into town next week. MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO NAIL HER, TOO!" Barney gives Ted a free hit, Ted punches him in the groin (that's MY style!)! Barney apologizes. Ted tells Barney he's been putting stuff in a box labeled "Things I Have No Use For," then tells Barney he belongs there. He says he doesn't think they should be friends anymore. Then, Ted goes on to his surprise party, leaving Barney alone in the limo. :(
The very last part of the show caught me. You see, they kept flashing to the goat in the bathroom eating something. Future Ted says, "The goat locked herself in the bathroom and was eating Robin's washcloth. Wait. Robin wasn't living in the apartment on my 30th birthday. That was my 31st!"
Why are they toying with me? If Robin isn't Ted's babymama, who is? I wish they knew when they were ending this show (a la Lost) so the writers could focus on us meeting the mother. That's the whole premise behind this show!
I know that it was not cheap for them to care for this dog for one week, but I'm glad they did. Without them, she would have died alone in a field - or suffered some other horrible fate. Instead, she spent her last days with people who cared for her. We should all be so lucky
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I'll call it a tie. Look at the anchor man's jackets - and vote in my web poll. And watch The Office - in case you missed it!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Joy: Tick tock - booze o'clock.
I don't like (the boys) spending time in two-story houses. They'll get all snooty and start thinking about college and vaccines.
Randy: Guess what I learned. They call it a six pack because there's six beers in it. It has nothing to do with people's stomachs.
Earl: We're not gonna smoke (pot). Smokin' weed kills brain cells. Drinkin' only screws up your liver. You got two of those.
Joy: Yeah, I don't understand weed. When you smoke, you get the munchies and you get fat. When you drink, you throw up and get skinny. That's just physics.
Randy: Joy, make sure to get flavored vodka. I like it when my throw up tastes like cherry.
Joy: Flavored vodka is for sissies and pregnant women.
Earl: We need something.
Crabman: You need weed.
Earl: How did you know?
Crabman: It's usually what's going on when a bunch of white people walk up to me and start whispering.
Randy: White people are nuts.
Rather than stay inside watching TV in my pajamas all day, I chose to lace up my sneakers, put Charley in the car, and we drove to a nearby park for a walk. I could have walked to this park, but Charley's itty-bitty legs, move so slow I'd probably still be walking to that park!
While he was taking his sweet time, I stopped to look at a cactus in bloom.
We met an older lady with a dog, who told us there were bunnies that roam in the park, but we didn't see any of those. We finished our walk, got back in the car, and Charley was one happy dog!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Ryan comes to Scranton, after telling the office they'll have to work on Saturday because they didn't do their sales on the internet, so now they'll have to enter them online so the website looks more "legitimate." We learn Dunder Mifflin Infinity had its social networking feature infiltrated by sex predators. No one wants to network on the site.
Before Ryan can go, Michael gives him a long hug and says, "I need a girlfriend so bad." He asks Ryan to set him up, Ryan mentions the girls he meets in clubs. Michael and Dwight decide to go to the City and club it up. Meanwhile, the branch decides to work late so they don't have to come in on Saturday.
Michael and Dwight learn Ryan is hanging out at a club call Prerogative. Michael makes a Swingers reference saying "it's packed with beautiful babies." Dwight says the women look like white slaves. They see Ryan, who (surprisingly) is glad to see them.
Back at the office, the gang finishes work, walks outside to realize they've been locked in. Jim didn't call security to let Hank know they were working late. Pam says she locked the office door from the inside. Stanley says, "If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in one hour, you're both dead."
At the club, Michael and Dwight meet Ryan's friend. Dwight says, "You resemble a Tolkien character." Ryan says, "He basically is, man. He's a regular banking wizard." Dwight says, "No, not a wizard. A hobbit."
Jim has an awkward conversation with the security guard because no one can remember the guard's name. We later learn the guard won't be in a hurry, since none of the Dunder Mifflin crew gave him a Christmas tip!
Back at the bar, Ryan goes to the bathroom - which Dwight points out he's done often - then Dwight asks Ryan's friend if he has powers. After being dissed by a girl after she finds out Michael's in his forties, he tells Ryan the place is like a sexy preschool. They decide to leave. Ryan throws his beer bottle on the ground. They're in line at another club and Ryan can't get them in. Dwight meets some Jersey ladies who happen to play basketball (he calls them Amazons), then they use them to get in the club.
The office gang decides to play football to pass the time, until Pam hits Meredith in the face with the ball.
Ryan told Michael to tell the ladies he works in finance. Michael tells a girl he's a bank teller and she walks away. He turns to see Dwight making out with one of the ballers. Michael takes a picture and sends it to the office crew, who all groan when they see the picture on their cell phones.
Michael calls his mom to talk about his girl troubles, spots Ryan dancing like a spaz before the girls turn on him, so Michael goes to his rescue.
The office gang are all sitting around in the lobby. Pam says Michael probably has a theme for their Saturday work session, like Scrambled Eggs Saturday. Toby says it's more like Get Your Boss Laid Saturday. Everyone laughs until Toby puts his hand on Pam's leg. Then, Toby abruptlyl announces he's moving to Costa Rica, then runs out, jumps the fence and runs off.
Back in the City, Michael and Dwight get Ryan out of the club. His little friend says not to take him to the hospital, then takes off. The make-out girl tries to get Dwight to stay at the club.
The cleaning crew shows up to work and they open the gate, so the office crew can go home.
Michael and Dwight take Ryan to his apartment. Dwight sings Ryan a lullaby. Michael says he's going to take Ryan's clothes off. Ryan sits up and says he thinks his little friend has a drug problem. Michael then advises him to do what they'd do on The Wire. Here's how Michael closes the show:
"It's not about horniness, it's about loneliness. How can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, boys on the side. But I disagree. I say, let's hear for the boys."
Thursday, April 24, 2008
He's feeling blue today. And it's not a bad thing!
This is the close up.
And here's the wide shot.
I just don't know what to say. This was kinda turquoise. I saw some ladies on TV wearing the same color at the same time. Just saying.
Update: Here are the ladies in blue today.
Last night, I was at work and it was a few minutes before my show. I stretched, heard something pop and then realized things had gone wrong. BOYS, THIS IS WHERE YOU'LL WANT TO STOP READING.
I looked around to see what it could have been, and then realized it was ... wait for it ... MY BRA.
That's right. It popped, the underwire stabbed me, and the cup connector tore. What's strange is that this was a relatively new bra and it was quite comfortable - until it self destructed. Luckily, I had a sweatshirt on to cover up (it's crazy cold in the newsroom). My girls apparently wanted to break free. I'm just glad it didn't happen during a meeting!
First, a little back story. Heidi is truly an incredible woman. She was in the Marines. She has four kids, the oldest is in college, the youngest is a toddler (all super cute). She's married to a great man who loves her and the kids dearly - even when they test his patience. You can tell from the picture she's a police officer. Heidi is one tough cookie. She doesn't take any you know what from anyone. That's one reason I like her. But she is also one of the best friends anyone can have. I met her when I was reporting, and we became fast friends - I believe it's been nine years since we met (wow!).
Now here's why I'm writing about her. She had surgery yesterday to remove part of her kidney, which was being invaded by cancer. The surgery went well and the doctor is optimistic that she'll be fine. It'll be a couple more days before the biopsy comes back. So until Heidi knows the results, it's a stressful time. That's why I'm asking you to say a little prayer and keep her in your thoughts. I honestly believe if anyone can give cancer the heave-ho, it's Heidi. I haven't told her that I'm writing this, but I know she'd appreciate all the positive thoughts and energy she can get. I'll let you know how things work out!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Whatever it is, color me happy! It's purple magic!
She later has a meltdown with Carlos, whom she's conned into riding around in the car and staying put after she parks in her new privileged spots. Carlos gets mad that Gabrielle is taking advantage of his condition. She has a meltdown about it, with her worrying whether she's left the toothpaste on the left side of the sink so Carlos can find it. Very touching moment between the two. I think she may win a little something next awards season.
Now, I have to rant a little, because while I was trying to watch the show, I was in a dish fight with apparently two of my neighbors. One wants to watch a novela, the other wants to watch one of those shopping channels. This is why I'm not sticking with the Dish Network when my contract expires! Jerks!!
Then, I saw this and it made me happy.
Counting the days...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Every time he wears one of these uber-bright jackets, there's a big groan in our newsroom. We all wonder what he's thinking. I mean, I can see a dude wearing that to a fun party. I can even see a dude wearing that back in the Miami Vice heyday. But in 2008? On the television? A credible newsman? Really?
I'll note he has a law degree and there's a chance he may find this blog and want to make some challenges. But nothing I've written here is dishonest or libelous. It's a pink jacket. One of many bright-hued garments he wears. I'll keep documenting them if he keeps wearing them.
I also blog there about Lost - which returns this week (YAY!). It's going to be a challenge for me, as I'll be in the control room the last ten minutes of the show. I might have to make threats to the audio operator so they can just have the sound down so I don't have an ending ruined for me! Drats! Working late is wrecking my television watching experience!!!
Robin's first boyfriend is coming to town. His name is Simon (AKA Dawson from Dawson's Creek). She says he smelled like a car and had a Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt collection. Barney: Tell me more, tell me more, like did he have a car? Robin wants to win when she sees him. She wants to show him what he missed out on. This becomes a big challenge for her.
They broke up after one week - he left her for a girl with a pool. He shows up and is balding, dressed like a teenager. Simon works at a water park. He still has his band, the Fourskins - don't be dirty - so named because there are four of them and they play without shirts. Robin swoons.
Barney asks if she met him at Degrassi. The gang learns Robin & Simon met while shooting her video. Barney says he's seen Let's Go To The Mall (see video) several times, but never saw Simon. Robin says it was in her second video. Barney vows not to eat or sleep until he finds it.
While all that is going on, Marshall says Robin has Revirtigo, when you meet someone from your past and behave like you used to. Robin proves the case when she says Simon showed up at her apartment, saying breaking up with her was the biggest mistake of his life, then he asks her out, to which she says yes. Marshall says Lily suffers revirtigo when she's with her high school friend, Michelle. When those two are together, it's like they're hoodrats - lots of ghetto speak.
So, Robin goes to see the Fourskins (they're actually wearing shirts - Simon's a liar). He gets Robin to play his music on the news - this is while pictures of cute dogs who are up for adoption play. Lily forbids Robin from seeing Simon. Robin says she's going to go all the way with Simon and storms off. She sees Simon and he tells her he's going back to the same girl he left Robin for last time. The reason: her parents got a jacuzzi.
There's a sweet moment between Robin and Barney. She's crying about the break up. She wants to be 16 again. Barney tells her she was lame 10 years ago. Robin invites Barney back to her place. It goes a little something like this:
Barney: Should I put it in?
Robin: Yeah. Why not?
That's what Barney puts in. Robin's video. She calls it her artistic follow up to LGTM. Cameos from Tiffany and Alan Thicke!
Barney: It's everything I want it to be and more!
Then...they kiss! Nothing good can come from that. I just hope Robin doesn't have revirtigo with Barney. That would make me sad!
I've been trying to make some changes myself. I'm trying to bring my lunch to work more often (it is exciting to see that I'm saving money, too - not buying a meal when I have groceries at home and not wasting gas). I'm buying more green-friendly products. Though you should be careful if you only buy organic stuff. It's not always a good deal. I thought I was doing pretty good. Then I read this. Ugh. Earth, why don't you understand I'm afraid I'll lose my flatware if I take it to work???
If you're looking for ways to be a little more green, or reduce your carbon footprint, go here. And if you don't know the size of your footprint (it has nothing to do with the size of your actual foot), answer these questions. However, if you're single AND you drive a lot, don't be surprised to learn your footprint is the equivalent of JLo's booty - big.
Now you can't say no one told you this stuff. What are you doing to make the earth happy? What changes are you making? I'm looking for tips people. Free ones. Give 'em up.
[Image via Corbis]
Monday, April 21, 2008
Last night, I started a self-developed plan to get some sleep. For starters, I'm cutting out caffeine after 6PM. To try to get my body and brain used to going to sleep at a reasonable hour, I popped some Tylenol PM around 11:30. Then, I crawled into bed. I read a little bit, then watched Dirty Dancing for the millionth time. I drifted off to sleep. The next thing I know, Charley's waking me up. I can tell it's morning. I look at the clock and it's 8:30. Amazing! I slept more than seven hours, probably closer to eight!!!
I got up, fed him, took him for a walk and just watched Samantha Who? from April 14. This show is not great, but Christina Applegate has really good comedic timing. I have to say, it's like every girl-centric show I watch. Girl loves guy who doesn't want her, while handsome and charming billionaire offers her the world, to which she turns up her nose. Is this remotely realistic? I mean, I know we all want what we can't have. But at some time, don't you have to do what will make you happy? Will it really make you happy to want someone who doesn't want you? By the end of the show, it seems Samantha was accepting her relationship with the billionaire - until her ex-boyfriend, Todd, shows up and kisses her then says, "Well, now look what you made me do!"
Huh? I'm not even the tiniest bit groggy from the drugs I took last night. But that makes no sense to me. She MADE him leave her apartment (where he lives with his new girlfriend) and go to her parents house and kiss her? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. And I'll probably keep watching. For how much longer, I have no idea. If she was my friend, I'd shake some sense into her. However, she's not real. But Christina Applegate, if you're reading this, I'd love to play Guitar Hero with you!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
He's still in a coma, coping with it by running a little sitcom in his head, The Hickeys. The music sounds a lot like the theme from Three's Company.
Randy & Joy get Earl to drool on his list to decide what to cross off next. Their task: returning a motorcycle the brothers stole from those guys on American Chopper. It was a drunken caper, so Randy has to figure out where they left the bike.
We learn during this show of a big misunderstanding. Homeless Joe tells tells Randy Earl tried to kill him. Randy says, "I'm Randy. Earl wouldn't try to kill Randy. That's like peanut butter trying to kill jelly. Peanut butter wouldn't kill jelly. They're in the same sandwich."
Joy tells Randy they have to work backwards. She says, "Like when you rewound that video tape to see if Sharon Stone flashed her under-smile." Randy says, "She did show her undersmile." Joy says, "We need to figure out where Earl showed his undersmile." Crab Man says, "Metaphorically speaking." LOVE Crab Man!
Randy remembers that they left the bike on the roof of a trailer, where they were forced to hide when the cops came looking for them. Earl had hiccups, so Randy put his hand over Earl's face, making Earl pass out. Randy thinks he killed Earl. He says he feels terrhurtsible, kinda sangry. Earl thinks Randy tried to kill him, and now you know why Earl went after Randy.
Randy returns the bike, tells Earl and holds his hand while apologizing for trying to kill him. Earl squeezes Randy's hand, he gives him a hug and Earl's stats drop (that's ER speak for almost stops breathing) - TWICE.
I'm hoping Earl comes out of a coma soon, though I kinda like his sitcom life. I wonder how Alyssa Milano's character is doing... Maybe I'll get the answer on the next episode - when I get to it.
I'm off to watch some more TV while I do laundry!
Isn't that pretty? I basically played only when I had to post the big blind, and that was until people started placing real bets. I played two games. At both tables, poker virgins sat down and went on to win. Beginners luck. Whatever. It just irritated me. I did have a couple of decent hands, but it wasn't enough to get me any big pots.
I did accomplish my usual goal of not being the first one out. I know I should set my sights on actually winning it all, but at least this way I'm not disappointed!
Once I decided the third time would not be the charm for me, I left for a Fiesta party. Now, if you aren't from San Antonio and have never been to Fiesta you should at the very least take a look at it online. If you like cascarones, carnivals, parades, food from booths with shady people serving, crowds and the potential to become a victim of gang crime, this is right up your alley. Sadly, it's not my thing. The closest I get to it is walking a couple of blocks from work to get parade food (see, I can live on the edge) while catching glimpses of a parade with my co-workers.
Back to the party...
Upon my arrival, the night's host greets me and insists we take a picture. The next thing I know, I hear a crack and look up to see confetti raining down on me. I know I have explained to my friend why I hate confetti. You see, I have really curly hair and it's not easy to get these little bits of colored paper out of my hair.
I immediately decide I must seek revenge. However, I don't want to do something that will force his girlfriend to clean it up. With a little help, I get my hands on his car keys and strike back.
I know I did four eggs, but I remember being handed a few more. Will he be clearing confetti out of his car longer that I will in my hair? You can bet on that. Maybe that's a bet I can win!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I thank Ross for this gem! The fact that she doesn't know the song, yet gets down with her bad self is hilarious! Have you ever seen Oprah when she has a singer on and she doesn't know the words to the song? This is eerily similar. It's the kind of thing I imagine my mom doing - if she had a web cam. However, my mom wouldn't dare don a mini dress and ankle socks!
This lady has tons of other videos of herself (one of my other favorites is "Physical"). If you like her moves, you should see the rest of her stuff on YouTube!
Friday, April 18, 2008
I thought these two seemed too cozy on Dancing With The Stars! Now, Shannon is an "actress," so it's possible they smooched for the paparazzi's benefit. I just don't think she's that good of an actress. They look happy.
There's a little blurb about these two on People magazine's site.
Today, the boss settled one dispute. Our question was how to pronounce San Jacinto. Here are the options: san juh-sin-toe or san ha-ceen-toe. He chose the first pronunciation. The explanation: we won that battle.
Quite possibly the best answer I've heard for that one!
If you aren't familiar with her first single, which was HUGE in Canada, watch it here.
There was a minor quake in Santa Barbara earlier this week, just days after a new study predicting a biggie in California.
Last week, there was even one near San Antonio! It happened when I was asleep, so no telling if there was any rumbling at my house.
Is the earth angry with us? Is this just a coincidence? Am I just paranoid? Or am I just asking too many questions because I'm sleep deprived?
It is making me think I should go see California before it drops off into the ocean like my 7th grade science teacher told me it would. I just don't want to be there when The Big One gets rolling. I would definitely wet my pants...or worse.
The show starts with the Dunder Mifflin crew walking from an auxiliary parking lot because their spots in the regular lot have been taken over by construction crews. The first time I laughed out loud: Andy said he lost a penny out of his loafer on the walk to the office.
Michael says he has sworn off Jan. He's supposed to be shopping for a new chair, which will mean Pam gets his old chair. Creed is interested in the happenings because he gets Pam's chair. Second time I LOL: Creed says then he'll have two chairs and one to go. What does that mean? Anyhow, Michael professes his love for a particular chair model who looks a lot like Jan with dark hair.
Michael starts approaching his office mates, looking for a date. Third LOL: he goes up to Oscar and calls him "Oscar Meyer Wiener Lover." He then goes about telling the staff they must submit the name of a woman he can date.
Andy and Kevin approach Michael about the parking problem, he doesn't want to deal with it, so Kevin and Andy round up the heads of the other businesses in the building to fight for their right to park near the office.
Michael looks over the candidates of potential dates, when he finds what he thinks is a good one. This is the fourth LOL moment: it's a hot and juicy redhead named Wendy. He calls the number and it's a Wendy's restaurant! Dwight tells Michael he'll find the chair model. According to Dwight, she's dead. Pam sets Dwight up with her landlady, Margaret. Michael arranges to meet her at a coffee shop, then tries to pretend like he's not Michael when he sees her. He shows Margaret Jan's picture on his cell phone, mentions her boobs, then explains she was manipulative. He made a big mistake - his phone dialed and Jan heard all of that. He tells Margaret their conversation was nice, like talking with the little old lady on the bus.
Kevin and Andy state their case and the other bosses agree to give up the spots to the Dunder Mifflin crew. Andy will later say he did it for the little people, and is seen doing a dance in the parking lot.
Jim tells Pam she'll have to move. After some ribbing, they say they should live together. Pam says she won't move in with someone unless she's engaged. Jim says he's going to propose. Then, in a confession, shows the ring and admits he bought it a week after they stopped dating. (OMG!!!) Then, they're walking to their car and Jim drops to one knee (wait for it), then he asks Pam if she would mind waiting for him to tie his shoe.
Dwight takes Michael to the apparent grave site of the chair model. Michael closes out the show by singing his own version of American Pie. Here it goes:
Bye, bye Miss Chair Model Lady
I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice
We had lots of kids drinking whiskey and rye
Oh, why'd you have to go off and die?
Why'd you have to go off and die?
Funny stuff. And it will only get better!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I'm going to make the effort to update this often. I'm trying get over my urge to procrastinate!